Love

Love is -

an addictive drug; an adrenaline that makes you feel alive; a misfortune; cupid's curse; a famine and a drought; a chaotic and confusing occupation; a mistake we made when we were 17, and again at 20, and 24, and again, and again. Love is all that and a many splendored things. And lately, love has become something else, something different and rather incomprehensible. "Has become" are probably not the right words to use, perhaps love has always been, and silly me have not made room for the possibility. Instead, I just kept asking myself daft questions like: How could you make me sun dried tomato ciabatta at 8 in the morning, then buy me Ferrero Rocher chocolates from Greece? It just doesnt add up. How could you not say the words i want to hear, not even something remotely close to what i want to hear? And what happened to my breakfasts in bed? And the compulsive urge to see each other all the time, or at least most of the time? Why do I always feel like i am the difficult one when all i asked for is a normal relationship? (Then again, i am reminded that none of my past relationships could come close to being "normal", or none that i know of, for that matter.) You are a far cry from what i expected. Your aberrant ways threw me off time and time again, I was convinced that i mean nothing to you.

My mind was so pre-occupied with the things that you didnt do and the words you didnt say that i overlooked the things that you did do, and the words that you did say. The tenderness in your eyes caught me by surprise, it may not seem good enough a reason for me to stay, but it is enough, at least for now, because with you, i have learnt to expect little, if not, nothing. Maybe some loves are not meant to be flamboyant or loud, or romantic. Maybe its not all about the big gestures or the "i love yous". Maybe some loves are meant to be quiet and reserved. Maybe you are good enough because I hear my heart singing each time you are near. And you made me smile, a day spent with you would put a silly grin on my face that lasts an entire week. You are my energizer and duracell, these mawkish confessions are making my hair stand but still, I feel the need to put these into words, to have a hard copy of these thoughts and feelings, so the next time i feel lost and confused, i'll have something, something to hold on to. It doesnt mean i have forfeited my future rights to be pissed, frustrated or disgruntled, mind you, i'm still very much the unsatisfied customer as it is. But from now onwards, i am taking the passenger seat and handing over the wheels. I'll try to shut up and enjoy the birds and the bees as we drive along and be happy. :) And of course, i'm quite sure i'd die if you do read this.

A song to end -

God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would livin' do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you