Always

I'll always be,

the fat, ugly, titless bitch with a face so flat you could land a plane,
the girl whom when asked whats on her mind, tells you that she almost choked herself to death with the glob of phlegm stuck in her respiratory tract,
the daft cow,
the one who hates having her picture taken,
the one who insists on having coffee at 2am in the morning,
the one who wants her breakfast in bed, eat it too, and still thinks its not quite enough,
the one who blows her mucus-clogged nose and doesnt give a hoot if you think its a disgusting sight,
the one who tells you that fats spilling from your boxers doesnt make you the least bit attractive,
the girl who is paranoid, insecure and just a tad neurotic,
the one who falls harder,
the great pretender,
the underachiever,
the one who cries convulsively at the movies,
now that you said it, a bit of a hooligan as well,
the one who is at ease staring into space for hours, whom you assumed had accomplished nothing in the last 6 years,
the one who tries to convince you that hers is a brain of brilliance, and trying even harder to convince herself that there is at least something about her that is magnifique, if not her culinary prowess,
the girlie bully, who really is, just a girl
the one who teases your ineptness with a pair of chopsticks,
the one whom you laughed at whenever she tries to swear after you in Greek,
the one who knows that you are miserable, with not a clue why you are here,
the one who would never be quite the same after having met you, knowing that you do exist, but could never figure how to move you,
the one you almost had at 'allo'
the one who refuses to admit that you made her laughed more than anyone ever did,
the girl whose fortress trepidates, threatening to plummet, with every step that you take,
the scaredy cat or chicken as you pleased, who is not sticking around to find out what comes next,
the girl who could never be truly happy, not for long at least,
the one who wished she had held you a little tighter, a little closer the last she did,
the girl who might live to regret for being terrified, after all, you cant lose something you never quite had in the first place can you?
the one who said it first,
your malaka.

Last Night Bobbie Sang

I'll Never Fall In Love Again


What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he’ll never phone you
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Don’t tell me what it’s all about
’cause I’ve been there and I’m glad I’m out
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you give your heart
You get it all broken up and battered
That’s what you get, a heart that’s shattered
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I’m here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

I’ll never fall in love again
I’ll never fall in love again

October 16, Sunday

For the first time, in a long while, i woke up before the sun's up on a Sunday. (i shall not divulge how long lest i should appear to be a L.A.Z.Y bum, which really, i'm not.) I've always left writing to Sundays simply because thats when you do absolutely nothing, recount the week's events and decide if it has been a good week or otherwise. And so, it has been a fantabulous week, with my dear friend back in Singapore, i foresee more of such weeks ahead. Welcome back Agus san, stay and we'll live happily everafter ehh? For someone who consumes alcohol on a daily basis, you were so wasted, its a disgrace. Ahem, i could still find my way after half a jug of vodka cranberry, 2 tequila shots and a few sips of beer, i'm getting better arent i? Love the dance moves we came up with, lets call it the Gusjam, what say you?

Having decided that i am ravenously hungry and cannot live on chocolates and chips alone like some, (a tiny Cadbury timeout, a mini Nestle Crunch and a few handfuls of Ruffles cheddar & sour cream chips was all that i ate the day before) i walked a few blocks to the coffeshop for a proper breakfast. I settled on the scenic route via the park and was pleasantly greeted by gentle gusts of wind blowing across my face. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and felt so much at peace, glad even. A lo mai kai, a coffee and a few fags later, i feel almost ready to take on the world, a pity i didnt have to, just a loadful of laundry and a week's chores.

I've given the gambling ship thingy some thought and decided against it, i have but a few bucks to last me till the end of the week, i really shouldnt do anything risky before my next paycheck, although there is always the "I could have". I'll go with the "an honest day's work with an honest day's pay" for now. On the agenda today we have:

1. Clean the cluttered room
2. Laundry, laundry, laundry - phooey, phooey, phooey
3. Make mum happy by being home just before she leaves the house
4. Read - i'm still less than halfway done with 1984
5. A movie/coffee with my mates when or should i say if, i'm done with my chores
6. Catch up on The OC before going to bed
7. Hopefully hopping on to bed before 2 am
8. Think like an adult, behave like a child
9. Lose some weight, or grow taller, maybe?

Will have to get going if i i'm to accomplish all of the above. Cheerios! :)

And Then You Kissed Me

Early mornings, Saturday evenings. Walked, talked. Home-made apple pie, coffee at 5.45. 15 apples, 5 kilograms of rice. I cooked, you're hooked. Ran, 3 blocks or more than. Perspiring in the sweltering sun, shivering in the chilling snow. Roomie, Aussie. Cool, like you. Kate Hudson, Hugh Jackman. We are? We're not. Laughter, banter. Abused, amused. I snore, you snore. Do that, do that not. Malaka, baka. Jamie, Jimmy. You're the storm, i'm informed. You have the brains, its pretty plain. Locked in your embrace, planted kisses on your face. I'm shaking, heart aching. I want, I want not. Soaked in happiness, drowned in fears. Love is, love is not. I longed, i might be wrong. More than a contradiction, you're an addiction. Its a giant leap, will i end up in the heaps? Its too early to tell, and i've long fell. Here's a song, before i run along.


The Cardigans - And Then You Kissed Me

man, i've had a few
but they wouldn't quite blow me like you
you gave me your name and signed
with a halo around my eye

and it hit me like never before
that love is a powerful force
yes, it struck me that love is a sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

love, you're news to me
you're a little bit more than i thought you'd be
a mole in my well-fed lawn
you're a nightmare beating the dawn

oh, it hit me like never before
that love is a powerful force
yes, it struck me that love is sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

Blue, blue, black and blue
red blood sticks like glue
true love is cruel love
red blood's a power-fuel
sweet love, tasty blood
my heart overfloods

oh you hit me!
yeah, you hit me really hard
man, you hit me!
yeah you hit me right in the heart

lord, i've had my deal
but i never quite knew how it feels
when love makes you wake up sore
with fists that are ready for more

and it hit me that love is a game
like in war no one can be blamed
yes, it struck me that love is a sport
so i pushed you a little bit more

oh, blue, blue, black and blue
red blood sticks like glue
true love is cruel love
red blood's a power fuel
sweet love tasted blood
my heart overfloods

man, you hit me!
yeah you hit me really hard
baby, you hit me!
yeah you punched me right in the heart
and then you kissed me...

and then you hit me...

oh, you haunt me with your violent heartbeat at night
oh, you strike me with your silence baby, tonight
why you haunt me with your violence baby, come hit me!
you haunt me with your violent heartbeat...