Hotel Rwanda

For some reason, i am fraught with a sense of shame as i nibbled on my sandwich just as the ending credits of the movie Hotel Rwanda scrolled down the screen of my television set. A line from the movie reverberated in my head -

"How could people not intervene upon seeing the images of these atrocities?"
"Believe me, most people would respond by exclaiming 'Ohh how horrible!' and then resumed their dinner."

I must confess, i know little if not nothing about the Rwanda genocide in 1994. The Hutus and Tutsis stirred nothing in my memory, i was and still am oblivious and ignorant to the savagery of the world. Perhaps what scared me most was the fact that this gory annihilation took place barely a decade ago, it is hard for me to imagine that 800,000 Rwandans were brutally murdered because of an ethnic discord. I am fortunate to have been raised in a society where racial discrimination is minimal and ethnic harmony prevalent. (correct me if you think otherwise) In my opinion, most of the problems in the world stem from discrimination of sorts. Racial, social, gender and the list goes on. Excuse me when i say little minds discriminate, discrimination is bigotry. We laughed when Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality was pressured to say World Peace at the end of her speech, these days world peace seems almost cliche. I cannot help but think that there must be something we can do. The answer screams out to me - Stop Racism! Hotel Rwanda captured the reality of the ethnic cleansing that happened and perhaps is still happening in some parts of the world. Watch it and be moved. It is real.

Musique

There,

Total volume of music files on my computer: 7.27 GB

Last CD I bought: Kathryn Williams - Relations (ermm, bought it more than a year ago)

Song playing right now: Does it count if i keep skipping those songs i dont feel like listening to? Finally stopped at Gordon Haskell's Freeway to Her Dreams

5 Songs I listen to a lot (lately) :
1. Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
2. Lisa Ono - Flor De Yemanja
3. Lisa Ono - Les Parapluies De Cherbourg
4. Maureen Papovich - Moon River
5. Robert Downey Jr. & Vonda Shepard - Chances Are

I think we've pretty much got everyone covered, I have no idea who else to pass the baton on but to anyone who reads this i guess.

Ageing

Mood: Old and weary
Age: 20 + 6
Cigarettes: 6
Coffee: 2nd cup
Hours slept: 3
Song playing: Lisa Ono - I Wish You Love


Time and tide waits for no man, i cant remember who said that but i would like to refashion that statement - time and tide waits for no man (female species in particular). Trust me for this is coming from someone who has only but a year before her skin stops renewing itself and her breasts embark on a journey down under, and i am not talking about Kangaroo Land. Late twenties is a scary prospect, those not so distant dreams during my teenage years did not materialize. There is one thing however, that i am truly thankful for, friends who were there, still there and i can safely say, will always be there. Through thick and thin, trials and tribulations and come what may, they are there to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a buck or two and even to sing you a birthday song in awkward unison. :) You know who you are, i love you guys.

It has been a rough few weeks, trying to cope with examinations and dealing with emotional and mental crises. I can't remember the last time i felt genuinely happy, that is probably a sign that it has been too long. Sometimes shitloads of good coffee and friendship is enough, other times it just isnt. Simple things that used to make me smile dont work for me anymore, sometimes i worry about becoming blase and indifferent. I wish i have something to hold on to, a life buoy for the time being perhaps, until my ship sails in and bails me out. Toodles for now.

I Know Him By Heart

Maybe its that dreaded time of the year, perhaps its the void the heart longs to fill. I let the tears flow as Vonda Shepard's I Know Him By Heart palpate every fibre of my being. I'm perturbed, scared even. Yet i know, tomorrow, i'll laugh at how silly i'd been. Before tomorrow comes, before it takes away some of the sweet sorrow, i'll indulge in my absurdity for a while longer.


I Know Him By Heart

written by Paul Williams and Jon Vezner
performed by Vonda Shepard

There's a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
'Till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living in an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending love's not meant to be
'Cause I know my heart's worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees, and the misty memories of days gone by...

Weather: Caused a migraine, cant be good can it?
Song playing: Al Green's How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
Cigarettes: 8 and counting
Disposition: Drained

My migraine is killing me, no amount of coffee nor aspirin can ease the throbbing pain. I should be sleeping, except that i cant. I committed a dastardly deed last night, called up an ex and hung up at the third ring. It all happened earlier this week, was with a friend when he pointed to a standing figure a distance away whom remotely resembled a certain someone. Isnt that J? It wasnt. I heaved a sigh of relief under my breath. I wasnt ready. 3 years had passed and still i wasnt the financially independent, intellectual, sexy woman with substance and inner poise like i said i want to become when we parted ways. I couldn't shake him off my mind and decided to look his name up on the yellow pages. So he is married, at least one of us did. I was reminded of the heartache from the days gone by. Felt a tiny twinge where the wound once ran deep. It is time to draw the full stop, like they say, time wounds, all heals. Someday perhaps, when i become the woman i always wanted to be, i would tap on his shoulder and say hello. Then again, maybe i wont.