Unfortunate Events

1. I have just turned 27 and according to some semi-reliable statistics, my skin will now take twice the amount of time to replenish itself. I can feel a new web of wrinkles slithering and making themselves comfortable with their new-found abode. I can literally hear champagne bottles popping and glasses clinking away. Not to mention my already non-existent tits succumbing to gravity. Yeah, happy birthday to me.

2. My computer has decided to crash on me while I was away. My 15 gigabytes of music that I took great pains and years to accumulate, gone. Pictures of my most glorious years, (well, not exactly glorious but what the fuck) vamoosed, permanently. Along with my past school assignments and ongoing projects I have been working on. I blame myself really, I should have known better than to place emotional attachment on a cold, heartless device. And I know all about backing up, I just hadnt gotten around to doing it.

3. Dropped my Seiko and broke the bracelet. It has to be my favourite watch. One that I scrimped and saved months for. Bollocks.

4. Came home to a dried up vase and withered flowers from my birthday. There were 4 people at home and none of them bothered to fill the vase with water. In the midst of bitching the week's series of unfortunate events on the phone with my best friend whilst binning the flowers and cleaning the vase, guess what happened? Yeah, I broke the vase.

5. Knackered after a night's work in the cafe, I dumped my uniform and jeans in the washing machine without checking the pockets. Imagine my horror when I opened the machine this morning saw lumps of black gooey stuff sticking to the insides. I couldnt tell what they were or where they came from until I saw the remains of what used to be ballpoint pens peeping through my left sock and apron strings. God help us all. My mum hasnt seen it yet, I have just emptied heaps of detergent and washing powder and set the machine on the longest cycle. Till then, I will have to lay low and pray hard that it comes off.

6. I was hoping there isnt going to be a 6th. I mean, what else could possibly go wrong? I feel a sense of impending doom as Murphy's wise words whirled in my head. A couple of chores to be done before I head off to work, with my luck, I will probably choke myself eating raisins.