Curve balls

Much on my mind lately, i dont think i have thought as much in the last couple of years as i have the last couple of weeks. Each time i tried penning my thoughts i convulsed into bouts of depression and fear that leaves me regressing into the little me that i have come so far. I suppose this is one of those things you'll know when it is right. There will be no hesitation, no doubts and tears, only joy. Like all the shitty things in life, i know this one too, will pass. Perhaps for now, it is okay to feel awful, depressed and shitty, until i am ready to pick myself up. I just wish i hadnt let this pride thing get in the way, that it is okay to be weak sometimes, especially in the face of the one you love most. But no, i had to be all Xena and Joan of Arc, its just that, i didnt want you to see the side of me that wasnt strong, insecurity maybe, or perhaps a form of self-defense, i just couldnt let it all out. I know you are there, and you have done more than i thought you would, and i know that i am not alone, so thank you.

Spring cleaning, so said a friend, you'll find yourself in a happier place at the end of the year. *fingers crossed* my love, keep yours crossed for me. The worst is yet to come, i fear not what is physical, that i have reckoned to be a breeze, we'll just have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Summer, my least favourite season of the year. We'll just have to bite our tongues and get it over and done with, after all, autumn is but a quarter of a year away.