Breathe and Reboot

Monday.
A few deep breaths, and
Reboot in progress;
Blue, ohh yeah, ohh noo, blue.
:(

Absurdity

I have had one of the most bizarre dream ever last night, i was speeding in a Formula One race. And i dont even have a driver's license. And Michael Schumacher was laughing at me. (It could have been with me, but my instincts are more inclined towards the former) Tsk Tsk. What in the world was that about?

Mummy Dearest

How long is it going to last this time? A week? Maybe two? Or are you going to make this one last as long as you can? I have had enough of this cold war shit, it is getting old, too old. I am 20 fucking 7 Ma, maybe it is time you get into that head of yours that i am never going to be the dutiful and obedient daughter that you want me to be. I do love you, and if there is one thing in the world i can be sure of, it'll be that you love me. So why can't we do without the fights? Why cant we be civil for once? Just for a month, 30 days, thats all i ask for.

Why you asked? Why didnt i tell you i wont be coming home? Why didnt i tell you where i was? Because you have to get used to it thats why, because one day soon i am going to leave you, and i wont be calling you every single night to tell you where i went, what i did, who i was with. And you have to learn to deal with it, you have to know that i will be fine. I promise not to get myself killed, i will try my hardest. I am not a kid anymore Ma, if you treat me like one, i will act like one. And it is scary, the thought of leaving you, the thought of heading out and making it on my own. I am so used to the sheltered life that you and pa have given me. I am not sure if i am going to make it, i am not sure that i am going to do just as good, but i have to, i want to.

I am scared out of my wits just thinking about it, but not half as excited and hungry for a life of my own. And for the last time, one doesnt have to be married to be an adult. You for one, should know that, you were barely 20 when you had your first child, and you did fine didnt you? It will take a lot of getting used to, no more home-made soup to come home to, no more you waking me up in the mornings when i oversleep, no more of your experimental pasta and sushi and no more of you nagging me, even that i am going to miss. And what are you going to do without me? Fuck, what are you going to do without me? Who will translate english movies to teochew for you? Who will tell you stories of the colourful world? Who will follow you from bathroom to kitchen, all the time telling you that it is not right to discriminate races, sexes and sexual preferences? Who will tell you that your curry is excellent and your soup is bland?

We'll survive wont we? Promise?

The Elder Sis

My love,
Sometimes i worry about you,
You, the goody-two-shoes,
You, the perpetually confused.

You may be thirty and one,
But trust me when i say,
You hardly look nor think like one.

Marriage is but a piece of paper,
There are more things in life that matter,
Do not tie the knot,
If he is what you think not.

Your life is yours to lead,
Do take all the time you need,
I wish you love and eternal bliss,
My dearly beloved sis.

The List

I have just decided that neither rainstorm nor earthquake is going to make me leave the house this weekend (except that we have neither of those here). There can be no temptation so great that could entice me from my oh-so-comfortable single bed in my commodiously single bedroom with my fabulously single furnishings. There are some days that i need to be alone, like absolutely and completely. I cannot be with people Mondays to Sundays, day in day out. It has a very bad consequence of driving me crazy. Bad enough that i still live with my parents and siblings, now i have a cousin who is home all the time, so what used to be my alone time has been robbed of, properly. And so i thought a weekend at the boyfriend's house would be a refreshing change, since there is just him and two roomies who are hardly ever in. Huge mistake. Boyfriend's place is not equivalent to MY place. Its not that i dont like the place, its clean, its air-conditioned and the refrigerator is always well stocked with munchies of sorts. So i made a list of the likes and dislikes, just to prove that i am not that difficult of a person to live with. Lets start with the dislikes -

Why i dont like staying over:

1. First of all, as a woman, i speak for all, staying over is an affair that is comparable to taking a short trip. You have to think about what you are going to wear over the couple of days, what shoes with which pair of jeans with which top with which bag and what accessories. And you cant change your mind because you've packed only those that you have decided before. And let me just say - FUCK! We cant wear the same outfit for coffee and clubbing afterwards. We are women, we change our outfits as often as we change our minds. Its not our fault.
2. And then there is the toiletries. We dont wash our faces with soap for goodness sake's! And certainly not with the same bar we soaped our bodies with! Here's what we need - Facial wash, facial scrub, toner, moisturiser, shampoo, conditioner, and shower foam. I know what you are going to say next, that i can leave these things at his place. Of course i know that, i just dont want to get too comfortable, if you know what i mean.
3. I do spend a lot of time in the bathroom, and i like to read when i do a number 2. Its a life-long habit, i cant just go and concentrate on going, i need a book to read when i do so. So if you see me going into the bathroom with a book its like announcing that i am about to do a number 2 and i have a problem with that too.
4. I am not good with sharing, i dont have a habit of sharing my bed with another. If its a single bed, its not made for 2. Like i have said before, i need to propel from one side of the bed to another, and i cant do that when someone takes up more than his half of the bed. I snore, i drool, i talk in my sleep, hell i even sleep with my eyes open, and i dont need to hear about them when i wake up.
   
5. Being the klutz that i am, i drop, spill and break things, and i am not comfortable doing that at someone else's place.
6. The weekends are especially precious and i dont like it when i feel that i have wasted them doing none of the things i planned to do. If i have a movie planned, i have a movie planned, if i need to do laundry, i need to do the laundry, if i have a book to finish, i have a book to finish. And i kind of like to mix them up a little as i go along, read a little, do a little laundry, watch disc 1 of a dvd and laundry again and things like that. Spending the weekend at someone else's place means that i dont get to do any of the above and i keep thinking of the unfinished chores waiting for me. It gets on my nerves.
7. I dont like to be told what i can or cannot do. I am not just a kid. I know what i can or cannot do.

Now for the good list:

1. I like it when you are there when i am thinking of you. And you make me laugh. Plus i know that i would kick myself for not spending enough time with you when you leave for good.
   

I think i may be a more difficult person than i think i really am. A little selfish too. Oh well, thats just me. Long weekend ahead, chores to be done, ughhh. I KNOW! Cheerios for now.